I think that when you truly love someone sometimes they get to keep a piece of you that you don't get back. This makes searching for love perhaps the most dangerous sport humans can engage in: most other sports will (at worst) result in death. Death, at least, is over with relatively quickly.
Let me tell you about the first piece of myself I lost.
She was, above all... efficient. You wouldn't necessarily think this is a terribly sexy or appealing thing (unless you're a Vulcan). But the truth is that any quality a person has -- well, at least the good ones (and some of the bad ones too) -- can be pretty sexy if the person in question knows how to work with it. And she was the one who was always there with the answers whenever they were needed. Somehow, she spoke to exactly what I needed in my life at the time.
Moon in Capricorn doesn't get rave reviews from astrologers. That's an unfair assessment. Capricorn likes to manage its assets, and the Moon is the Fort Knox of emotional sensitivity. She had both her Sun and Moon in the sign of The Goat. Such a creature can seem distant and difficult to reach, emotionally. And I admit: she never truly knew how I felt about her.
And her body! She was amply built -- much curvier than the standard society so often holds women to. We live in a world where Hollywood starlets get famous for their looks and then seem to race to starvation, as if there were a prize for looking like your own Bobblehead. And yet in true Capricorn style, she was... sculpted.
Like a stereotypical Capricorn, she had a definite career path, and was dedicated to it. She had a career in Communication Technology in the military. Those who know me now might laugh that I would be drawn to someone making a living at something as rigid as the military. But: not only is love blind, it doesn't tend to follow dogma either. Besides, she was a stunningly beautiful woman, who was stunningly beautiful in her uniform.
There will always be a part of me that, whenever someone says that Capricorn isn't the sexiest of signs, that it has a hard time stirring sympathetic responses in others, will simply smile and nod, knowing that whoever is saying these things didn't have a First Love like mine.
The years have gone by and there have been other loves, and other pieces of me gone astray. But I still think back to her, and what she meant to me, and what comfort she gave me at a vulnerable and difficult point in my life. And even thought time has gone on, and we're both older, I still think back fondly to my memories of her. I still can't see her uniform -- a red mini-dress -- without becoming nostalgic. And even though there is a brand new Star Trek movie, and Zo Saldana is an amazingly good looking woman... she'll never replace Nichelle Nichols in my heart. Or, as I knew her back when I was five years old... Lieutenant Uhura.
Sometimes I still like to think that, years from now when my time comes and I give up this life, that she'll be there on the other side, waiting to welcome me.
Unless maybe Emma Peel gets there first, that is.