Anyway, speaking of Fools, where was I? Oh yes. At the risk of TMI, the final tip-off that I needed a breakthrough by the April Fool was that I didn't seem to be planting or even planning to plant anything anymore. I also had no long term manual labor projects in the works and didn't seem to feel the "umph" to make them up. The Magicians spark had apparently departed even the Hermit.
And since I use active planting, redesigning stuff, and general creative lifescaping as my personal barometer in maintaining Temperance against the tarot work/writing process, this impotent, overwhelmed and helpless attitude was not a good sign.
I had even given up the noble, ongoing (sometimes obsessive) fight with one of my constant, reliable Devils; the more than "monster sized" weeds and mutant vines here at Fool's Paradise. After about half a growing season without vigilance those hydra-like beasts took down some of my younger crabapple trees, lilacs, etc. and start to strangle and destroy 60+ year old mountain laurel and fully grown hemlock trees I had previously worked so hard to save -- in fact, more than half the mountain was again under siege with no hope of Judgment's salvation without intervention.
But instead of getting out there on the mountain and re-rescuing them like the good late Summer, Strength based Fool I usually am, I dropped on the ghost of a tennis court where I stood and cried like a baby at the sight of my failure -- which was not so much related to the vines, per se, but to the twisted Hanged Man of "I can't do this anymore", or the unwilling surrender of hope to the nature of the Empress' Nature.
So in about January/February after way more than a year without any sustainable signs of an April Fool to herald in that magical, life affirming "gut thrill" or to jump start stalled outside interests, the endgame of this cycle finally started to play out.
I felt an inner Fool brewing again; knew something relative to both hanging in and letting go was in the wind, and that a new phase would soon be upon me if I could achieve both. This made me realize that I'd become a fully saturated Magician on auto-pilot, bargaining for a transformation with the deaf ears of Death too long (this time, not literally) and keeping up an unsustainable 2 of Pentacle-like "balancing act" between a Fool's World of all and nothing extremes.
Still, the next era could have been kicked off by any number of Fool moves or types, even a "screw this" Fool who might have run away or given up entirely in the face of so much endurance, pain, effort, disappointment, and no light or even Temperance to fall back on. In fact, in hindsight it would seem that only the Devil was getting fed regularly. But because I saw the tipping point coming; knew I was overdue for a Tower moment, I ran forward to meet it on my terms.
What are some of the things you use as a barometer -- counter measures that you might take or personal signs of dissatisfaction you recognize that suggest you're in need of a transformation? Perhaps it's your Spring Fool breakthrough opportunity knocking. Like to share, I'd love to hear from you…
Next time -- Part 2: Out Of My Head And Into Your Garage?
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