...So what it came down to was this: I knew I was vulnerable and needed a cheerleader, so I made an effort to become one for others.
For example, I offered myself out to my family for tangible projects that I could do for them for free, particularly those that they couldn't handle or face alone. When things got slow and I felt myself slipping I even resorted to begging ("pleeeeease can I paint your condo, organize your stuff, refinish the furniture, help you move, clean your garage, be your grunt labor on that new addition, transplant your plants, anything…"), stuff that would get me out of the house, take me out of my own head and off in a new direction where I could "shake it off", or release, recharge, reconnect, and gain a fresh perspective; one that would hopefully help to hybridize and balance my usual states of extremes.
Interestingly enough, I noticed that each of the projects I sought or hungered for was somehow a specifically defined, helpful chore or manual labor distraction embedded in a Pentacle experience that I could see, touch, check off a list, assign a redeeming value, receive feedback on, or physically photograph as a transformational "after", rather than the stalled or interminable "before", "during", "not again", and "really?" that exists in the state of Eternal Potential (city of Someday, neighborhood of Eventually) which is where I otherwise live.
And at that time I needed to experience measurable results, not more potential, so I sought out these opportunities and I think this is also why I avoided renewing projects at my own place at first -- no rallying point or ability to attain visible evidence of actual progress. (Our Fool's Paradise is such an overwhelming long term project that in this economy, musical crap and mundane maintenance was about the only thing one person alone could tackle without access to loads of Benjamins, help from a master planner -- and many hands).
Besides, from Oct. through much of April this year the constant vacuuming of hundreds, sometimes thousands of ladybugs, excuse me "Asian Lady Beetles", left me frustrated and disgusted by the rut of unavoidably wasted time. (Don't even get me started on those *@!&?#% flying M&M's, who, by the way and FYI, were NOT hibernating at all… :)
Next time -- Part 3: Jazz Hands and Finish Lines
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Some of my related articles and stuff:
Cheerleaders, Devils, and Flying M&M's, Oh My!, Speaking of Fools, Anytime Tarot for Everyday People, Mayan Prophesy a la Mode...et, al. at Quantum Tarot
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