Christmas Presents for the 12 Signs I've Dated

Often this time of year, one sees articles along the lines of "Christmas Gifts For The 12 Signs." For those of you who have read my blog in the past, you know that I've used actual examples from my dating past to illustrate various points about compatibility. Rather than generic suggestions, here are gifts specifically for those 12 ladies. You know who you are ... and of course, my apologies.

Aries: Uhhh ... 

I never could give you the answers you wanted quickly enough for your liking. Hope that helps!

Taurus: A bicycle lock.

I know you were looking for a man who could always be relied on to stay predictably in place. Hope this helps!

Gemini: A parrot.

I could never keep up with your ideas and opinions fast enough. Maybe Mr. Crackers can do the job.

Cancer: A security blanket.

Lord knows it will be a lot more predictable (and comforting) than I could ever manage ...

Leo: A spotlight.

If all the world is a stage, then better lighting can't hurt.

Virgo: A bag of sugar.

It will make the logic behind your decisions a little easier to swallow.

Libra: Arts and crafts supplies.

Dealing with human hearts often isn't pretty ... at least now you'll be able to accessorize them.

Scorpio: Inner Peace.

That's all you ever really needed but never knew how to ask for.

Sagittarius: A basketball.

As long as you and I are always bouncing all over the place, we might as well get some exercise out of it.

Capricorn: A bulletproof vest.

Nobody seems to understand your sensitivity ... maybe this will help make your point.

Aquarius: Lego blocks.

People are weird and unpredictable, but building spaceships and fire stations is fun!

Pisces: A near-death experience.

Finally, a chance to meet someone who really understands!