"Lucky is the man who has captured the attention of the Taurus lady. Sweet, kind, and affectionate is she -- the embodiment of everything a man is looking for in a sweetheart and a wife. Treat her well and she will reward you with steadfast affection and unswerving dedication."
-Edwina Crabtree, "Astrology for Young Ladies" (© 1948)
Eleanor called me into her office for my three month review. The actual review of my work took about two minutes. I was doing a competent job, it turns out -- I had been concerned about this because Eleanor had a tendency to hover at my desk, and that had made me nervous. The conversation soon drifted from work, to astrology, and then to imported beer, which Eleanor had a certain fondness for. Before long the performance review had somehow mutated into making a date for Friday.
It might be an awkward going out with the boss, I thought. But she seemed nice and sweet and charming, and I was intrigued by her big thick shock of curly hair, which bobbed enthusiastically as we discussed beer. So, I thought... what's the harm?
"Ladies with Moon in Taurus are definite about their affections. They naturally provide the nurturing kindness that gentlemen seek in a bride. It may be a cliché but it is still absolutely true: most men are seeking a mother when they are seeking a spouse."
I awoke Saturday morning to see Eleanor standing next to me, holding a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. She sat in the bed next to me as I ate, and seemed to enjoy my enjoyment of the meal more than I did. I didn't think I had eggs in the fridge, and mentioned this.
"We didn't have any, so I went out and got some" she said, smiling. I had a bit of a hangover, so I assumed that her use of the pronoun "we" was some kind of neurological processing error on her part.
After I ate, I got up and took a shower. I dried off, and went to my room, where I discovered that the mound of laundry in the corner had been mysteriously folded and put away. By early afternoon, I had agreed to attend a barbecue at her sister's place. This all seemed a bit much for me, but the way she cocked her head at me inquisitively, gauging my reactions and moving that big mess of hair around was awfully cute, so I played along.
"Venus in Taurus is caring and supportive of its loved ones. The woman with Venus in Taurus will always be gently supportive of her man's never-ending attempts to provide material, domestic, and emotional security."
Three weeks later, she had all but moved in. My apartment was organized, everything was put away, and I was eating properly. She had even de-cluttered my cell phone of any female numbers (other than my Mom's). And my schedule and budget were organized. And she had changed my voice mail greeting to one in her voice, again using "we." And she changed the seating arrangement at work, so that she had a clear view of my desk and my other female co-workers were further away.
I waited for her to leave work first, but she was staying late. I had to wait half an hour after the end of my shift, when she finally took a break, to clear out my drawer and leave the note on her desk. It was the usual businesslike blah-blah about "seeking opportunities elsewhere."
"Wait!" she shouted after me as I ran through the parking lot to my car. But I kept moving, and the last I ever saw of her was that big head of hair, bouncing down the lot as I pulled away.
I never did get half those phone numbers back.