Western Astrology

Father's Day: An Astrological Homage

by Sherene Schostak March 12, 2010 07:33 PM EST
Father's Day: An Astrological Homage
Dads come in all signs, shapes and colors. In honor of giving props to our pops, here's a sign-by-sign breakdown you can share with your old man while he tries on his new necktie and gloats over his "#1 Dad" balloon.

Macho, macho dad -- the super-hero daddy / emperor of the house! This firebrand father is all fun and games until somebody's ego gets hurt -- preferably not his. When it comes to taking daredevil risks, let your Ram daddy show you the way. Hint: Always let him win ... and always wear a helmet when accompanying him anywhere.

This is the Rock of Gibraltar guardian who will never falter from his fatherly duties. Let him teach you a thing or two about determination, beauty and sticking to your guns. Sure, he's stubborn as all get-out, but you'll always know where things stand with him. Wimpy offspring need not apply. Hint: As long as you don't mess with his values, money, possessions or potatoes, you're golden.

Two devilish daddies in one! This is the eternally youthful papa who had more fun being a child while raising you than you did. There's never a dull moment with this curious cat -- expect crossword puzzles, storytelling, tricks, practical jokes and games galore. Hint: Don't refer to him as "old man" ... and don't ever discuss his doppelganger.

The sweet and fuzzy Mr. Mom stripe. This family man will bake you cookies, tuck you in (even into your teen years) and remember every important date in your life. Sure, he cries at sad films and holds grudges against you for centuries, but no dad will smother you with more motherly love, either. Hint: Don't ever forget his birthday ... and always accept second helpings when he cooks.

He's the rock star / movie star mack-daddy! This generous, big-hearted king of the house will spoil you rotten and make sure you have the Sun, Moon and all the stars. Sure, his expectations are sky-high, but then again, he's an awesome role model. Hint: Disrespect this cat and you'll hear him roar. Instead, shower him with love, gratitude and endless compliments about his unmatched greatness.


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Here's the smart, talented, neurotic-nelly of a dad! The Virgo father will make sure your dwelling is spic 'n' span with important books and a perfectly stocked medicine cabinet -- unless he's one of those rare shadow Virgos who prefers cluttered chaos. But his workaholic ways could limit your quality time together. Hint: Try your best to find something constructive about his nitpicking panic attacks. Also, always wash behind your ears, and don't slouch!

The easy-as-a-Sunday-morning man. This father adores beauty and forever strives for balance, but probably can't make a decision to save his passive-aggressive life. But who cares when he's so damn gorgeous, adoring and charming -- not to mention one of the most popular fathers on the block. Hint: Don't pull any extreme measures by tipping his scales or challenging him to head-on confrontations!

The mystery man of passion. This father will show you how to live life to the decadent extreme. Sure, everything seems to revolve around money, sex and power when it comes to his values, but this magnetic man will teach how you to look death in the face and live every day as if it's your last. Hint: Don't ever call his bluff, make him jealous or challenge him to a stare-down.

The man who lets the good times roll! This dad has an opinion about everything and will have no bones about delivering his diehard philosophy anytime, anywhere -- regardless of who it might offend. Part comedian, part dreamer and part clown, he will always give you the truth, straight up. Hint: Laugh at his jokes, never lie to him and never, ever let your passport expire!

He's the tough-as-nails, no-frills pillar of indomitable integrity. This father's father will instill a solid moral code of ethics and a no-nonsense approach to life, while insisting that you create a retirement plan by the age of three. Chances are if this is your father, you yourself are an overachieving mogul! Hint: Don't tell him you read this on an astrology website, and don't ever waste time or money in his presence.

Here's the freaky, geeky, hippie-at-heart father who will never cease to shock and amaze you. This detached dad will collect stray animals and have a million friends from every corner of the world over for dinner. You'll never know what to expect with this high-energy mad scientist! Hint: Don't expect him to conform to a normal parenting regimen ... and by all means, avoid emotional tantrums.

And finally, the shape-shifting, mushy-gushy, compassionate Zen master. You may have a hard time pinning down your Pisces dad to earthly responsibilities, but when it comes to music, film, fashion or living the glamorous life, this is your daddy! He'll teach you everything you need to know about empathy and kindness, once you can locate him in la-la land. Hint: Don't depress him with mundane money matters -- and always have a cocktail or escape hatch handy.
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