I have been thinking a lot about the “habit of doubt” -- mine in particular -- and what a negative Mars energy it can be.
During this Mars retrograde (March 1 - May 19) I have been aware of how my utter lack of patience and impulsivity is spurred on by my doubting mind (called "animus" in Jungian terms). He always has a negative opinion about how it’s "not going to work out anyway… and wants to throw in the towel and have everyone around him say “nah nah … don’t worry everything will be okay”. The animus leads to loads of reassurance.
My Mars rant: In NYC, they have this thing called Citibike … AKA “shitty-bike”… basically like they have in many cities now where you pay a yearly fee and can take a bike from any station and use it with a key and return to any other station within 45 minutes. Sounds like a cool plan. The only problem is that half of the stations end up being full of bikes (when you need to deposit a bike) or totally empty of bikes (when you need to grab one) … or worse yet … either the keys don’t work or the bikes don’t lock at the stand.
So basically it’s a total gamble if you will have a working bike and then once you have one, if you can get rid of it. I literally spent an hour trying to find a place to return the bike I had in some kind of walking vicinity to my apt. I finally found a location that was just as far from my house as the original station where I picked up the bike. Talk about futility. Modern-day Sisyphus insanity. I found myself totally needing to complain out loud and exaggerate the complaint to other people I ran into at the various bike stations experiencing similar frustration. I heard myself say: Share a free sample Soul Mate Compatibility. Are you with your true Soul Mate? Discover if you are with the person that you can share sorrows and triumphs with!
“Do any of these stations work? I have been to six (it was probably more like four) already and they are all broken or full! What is the point of this? I would have been better off walking!"
Others totally joined me in the gripes and agreed, but still, what a kvetching little complainer my animus is! He was still bitching in my head as I had to hoof it all the way home despite my attempt to find a bright side and enjoy the walk. It was a gorgeous night, beautiful time of day as the Sun was setting. The city was at its best, and all animus could think was, “We're losing precious time! This is ridiculous!”
I have had the same experience waiting for the subway to come where I look for other passengers on the platform to join in my frustration and misery so we can bitch together about how the train is NEVER going to come!! My animus speaks in these NEVER and ALWAYS extremes. You should see our dialogue battles. If something is off once, it’s always going to suck. If something is not happening immediately, it’s NEVER going to happen. Yes, he is that opinionated and that dire! He needs a lot of talking off the ledge.
How is your particular Mars energy showing up? What does your own negative or angry self-talk sound like?
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