Original
Western Astrology

Mercury: We Need To Talk About Our Relationship



by Matthew Currie August 10, 2009 09:54 AM EST
(SCENE: The Board Room where all the planets get together once a week to discuss next week's transits. The planets are gathering up their papers and preparing to return to work. MERCURY, dressed like a tweedy assistant math instructor, clears his throat and rises to speak.)
MERCURY: If you'll excuse me, there's one more item of importance I'd like to address. We need to talk about our relationship. (The other planets groan and mutter and sit back down.) Or rather, relationships in general.
(MERCURY notes that MARS is staring up at the ceiling, bored.)
MERCURY: And especially about sex.
(MARS snaps to attention.)
MERCURY: As you all know... or should know... communication is probably the single most important factor in making a relationship work. And I feel like my needs are being neglected. Now I know that "communication" isn't very exciting, but it's still important. (MERCURY produces a thick booklet from his briefcase) I've prepared a detailed seventeen-point response to the majority of relationship issues that I need to address... issues that, to be perfectly honest, you guys have mostly started yourselves. If you'll all refer to the graph on page 47...
(VENUS breaks out her nail kit and starts giving herself a manicure. MARS leaps out of his chair and begins talking dirty to VENUS.)
URANUS: (To VENUS and MARS) Oh Boy, let me get my web cam!
SATURN: It'll never work. They're too different.
NEPTUNE: (taking a drink from a previously-concealed flask) Awww, I'm sure it'll work this time...
PLUTO: (Shaking his head) Tsk. Where's the depth? It's probably doomed.
JUPITER:  Hey, this ought to be fun to watch!
MOON: Oh, this feels good... so far. But maybe something will go wrong! Oh boy, I can hardly wait to find out!
SUN: Me? I'm enjoying this tremendously!
MERCURY: (Tossing the booklet up in the air and walking to the door) I completely give up on you lot!

 
Find your path to fulfillment with a Free Psychic Reading. Call 1-800-749-5790 right now!
 
Can't get enough astrology? Icon fb Like us on Facebook!
 
you may also be interested in...
The Stars This Week: November 24-30, 2014
The Stars This Week: November 17-23, 2014
The Stars This Week: November 10-16, 2014
The Stars This Week: November 3-9, 2014
Monthly Summary for October 2014
Monthly Summary for September 2014
Monthly Summary for August 2014
Monthly Summary for July 2014

Astrology On the Go

ASTROLOGY NEWSLETTERS

Wake Up to Your Horoscope
in Your Inbox

Start your day with a dose of the cosmos -- get your daily horoscope delivered straight to your email!

related articles
 
A Deep Commitment to Self: Sun Conjuncts Saturn in Scorpio
A Deep Commitment to Self: Sun Conjuncts Saturn in Scorpio

We're in the heart of Scorpio season, which is another way of saying that everything feels extra... read more »

 
3 Tips for Dating and Relationships with Venus in Sagittarius
3 Tips for Dating and Relationships with Venus in Sagittarius

Love Goddess Venus is at her free-spirited best in Sagittarius from November 16 through December 10.... read more »

 
Full Moon in Taurus: Sensuality Rules
Full Moon in Taurus: Sensuality Rules

On Thursday, November 6, you have only one mission: listen to your body talk! The full Moon in... read more »

 
New astro forecast sheep 300x250

featured bloggers


Susan Kelly


Susan Kelly
With the dual sign of Gemini Rising, Susan Kelly is quite comfortable wearing two chapeaus: stylish writer and astrologer! For close to two decades, she has commented on trends in fashion, beauty and home décor. Her past fashion and beauty... read more

Astrology.com videos
3895139009001
3895139097001
3895139098001
3895153893001
3895139015001
3895150788001
3895150788001
3895153904001
3895153910001
3895139129001
3895139106001
3895150785001
3895160864001
ast:div-chinese:vid:asdhlovescope
Today's Cosmic Calendar
 
Today's Planetary Forecast

If you are looking for a day this month to play hooky from work you would rather not accomplish, this Friday may fit the... read more »

 
The Stars This Week!
 
The Stars This Week

Be Alert! Your relationship life turns interesting this week, thanks to a harmonious trine from Venus to Uranus on... read more »