Original
Western Astrology

Mercury: We Need To Talk About Our Relationship



by Matthew Currie August 10, 2009 09:54 AM EST
(SCENE: The Board Room where all the planets get together once a week to discuss next week's transits. The planets are gathering up their papers and preparing to return to work. MERCURY, dressed like a tweedy assistant math instructor, clears his throat and rises to speak.)
MERCURY: If you'll excuse me, there's one more item of importance I'd like to address. We need to talk about our relationship. (The other planets groan and mutter and sit back down.) Or rather, relationships in general.
(MERCURY notes that MARS is staring up at the ceiling, bored.)
MERCURY: And especially about sex.
(MARS snaps to attention.)
MERCURY: As you all know... or should know... communication is probably the single most important factor in making a relationship work. And I feel like my needs are being neglected. Now I know that "communication" isn't very exciting, but it's still important. (MERCURY produces a thick booklet from his briefcase) I've prepared a detailed seventeen-point response to the majority of relationship issues that I need to address... issues that, to be perfectly honest, you guys have mostly started yourselves. If you'll all refer to the graph on page 47...
(VENUS breaks out her nail kit and starts giving herself a manicure. MARS leaps out of his chair and begins talking dirty to VENUS.)
URANUS: (To VENUS and MARS) Oh Boy, let me get my web cam!
SATURN: It'll never work. They're too different.
NEPTUNE: (taking a drink from a previously-concealed flask) Awww, I'm sure it'll work this time...
PLUTO: (Shaking his head) Tsk. Where's the depth? It's probably doomed.
JUPITER:  Hey, this ought to be fun to watch!
MOON: Oh, this feels good... so far. But maybe something will go wrong! Oh boy, I can hardly wait to find out!
SUN: Me? I'm enjoying this tremendously!
MERCURY: (Tossing the booklet up in the air and walking to the door) I completely give up on you lot!

 
Find your path to fulfillment with a Free Psychic Reading. Call 1-800-749-5790 right now!
 
Can't get enough astrology? Icon fb Like us on Facebook!
 
you may also be interested in...
The Stars This Week: March 2-8, 2015
The Stars This Week: February 23 - March 1, 2015
The Stars This Week: February 16-22, 2015
The Stars This Week: February 9-15, 2015
Monthly Summary for October 2014
Monthly Summary for September 2014
Monthly Summary for August 2014
Monthly Summary for July 2014

Astrology On the Go

ASTROLOGY NEWSLETTERS

Wake Up to Your Horoscope
in Your Inbox

Start your day with a dose of the cosmos -- get your daily horoscope delivered straight to your email!

related articles
 
Mars in Aries: Seeing Red
Mars in Aries: Seeing Red

“The best fighter is never angry.” -- Lao Tzu Mars is moving out of the watery... read more »

 
Venus Enters Aries: Impulsive Love
Venus Enters Aries: Impulsive Love

Feeling red-hot and ready for love? It may still be winter, but the stars are sizzling at the... read more »

 
Here's Why They Love You: Your Year-Round Valentine Gift
Here's Why They Love You: Your Year-Round Valentine Gift

Maybe you give chocolate and roses on Valentine's Day to celebrate your love, but you also give... read more »

 
New astro forecast sheep 300x250

featured bloggers


Kay Taylor


Kay Taylor
Kay Taylor is a clear and accurate clairvoyant channel and astrologer working with individuals and couples for over 25 years. Whether in person or by phone, a private session with her is an elegant integration of psychic reading and transpersonal... read more

Astrology.com videos
4082151345001
4082136355001
4082133657001
4082138169001
4082151363001
4082138159001
4082138185001
4082138185001
4082136372001
4082153401001
4082160535001
4082138174001
4082153371001
ast:div-chinese:vid:asdhlovescope
Today's Cosmic Calendar
 
Today's Planetary Forecast

This is day two in the monthly 48-hour preparation cycle for tomorrow's Full Moon. Although the long void lunar cycle in... read more »

 
The Stars This Week!
 
The Stars This Week

Socialize! Your life opens up in positive ways this week as Jupiter in Leo trines Uranus in Aries on March 3! Then, your... read more »