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(Matthew Currie is still on assignment and hasn't returned from wherever that may be yet. In his place, we present Matthew's long-time domestic companion, Cricket, who is a Virgo.)
I've recently come across a number of disturbing and erroneous items on the Internet regarding the nature of Virgo. I would like to take this opportunity to correct those misconceptions.
Virgos are actually the easiest of all the signs to fall in love with, despite the persistent rumors to the contrary. Where do these terrible untruths come from? Geminis, I suspect. The best thing about Virgos is that once you've got us on side, we are loyal to the end and unswerving in our affection and attention.
(Look, a moth! Oh, sorry, my bad. I got distracted. Where was I?)
VIRGOS ARE NOT OVERLY COMPLEX. Virgos has relatively simple (yet refined) tastes. We want the brown can or the blue can... the ones with the gravy. Except for today, of course. Today we want the pink can with the chunks. Yes, I know I told you I hated that last month, but the pink can has more Omega-3, which is good for eyesight. And my eyes hurt looking at the mess you've left lying around here. Don't worry -- once you get back from the store, odds are good I'll have changed my mind again and the brown can will do just fine. You'd better get some more of those too. And a couple of the blue ones.
VIRGOS CAN SMELL IT WHEN YOU'VE BEEN SPENDING TIME WITH SOMEONE ELSE. We aren't all innocent and naive, you know. You thought you were pretty clever changing your clothes and having a shower before you came back from that house party. But on some level I know when you've been petting someone else, or could have, or thought about it. It's that look you get -- like you haven't actually done anything wrong. Yes -- there it is! That look! I'm on to your tricks. Unless of course I'm in denial, which sometimes happens. Oh look, you brought me a toy!
Don't worry about it: if I decided to sneak out and go play with the neighbors when you aren't looking, you'd never know a thing. I'm logical and organized with my cover stories too. So, consciously, I forgive you.
Unconsciously, I'm adding my concerns to my Ulcer File.
VIRGOS ARE NOT DISPASSIONATE. Although we can be slow to warm up, once you've got us, we can really open up. Make an effort though, will you? Effort counts for forty percent of your mark. And no matter how good a job you do with me, unless you show your work, you're only going to get a C+ at best.
Now come back to bed. I'm almost done cleaning myself, and it's nap time.
Hey! Are you sitting up looking at pictures of other cats on the Internet behind my back?