Original
Western Astrology

Your Sexual Alter-Ego Name

by D. Light August 05, 2008 02:10 AM EST

I'm starting this entry as Holiday Mathis, but by the end of the blog I will have transformed into someone wilder, more mystical and intergalactic -- someone aliens would find sexy.

Let me explain.

You see, recently I was at a party in the artsy district of Music City called East Nashville when the subject of porn names came up. I think it was my dear friend Fluffy Heights who remembered the game about finding your sexual alter-ego by marrying the name of your first pet with the city you grew up in. In Fluffy's case, this brought to mind fond thoughts of a bunny from long ago and a place called Irving Heights. It was her pornstar prerogative to omit the middle name 'Irving' as it smacked of transexuality, which didn't properly represent her body of work.

All this porn talk was happening in the so-called 'Buckle of the Bible Belt' under the Virgo Moon. I might have been surprised if I had not long ago learned never to underestimate the erotic potential of a Virgo Moon, but that's another blog ....

Just as soon as I transformed into Isabella Flip, another partygoer, David Wentworth (a rather posh porn name to be sure, but that's what you get for naming your dog after a relative) suggested that we were playing the game all wrong. He insisted the real way to find your porn name is to join your middle name with your first car. In an instant he morphed into Fletch Ragtop and I reveled in the madness of Janel Carmengia.

Soon we began to wonder if there might be an astrological equivalent to the game, and we quickly started to create one. We took one of the named stars from each constellation of the zodiac and came up with the following key. Astrology is all about time and place, so we decided it was only fitting that your astrological porn name, or 'APN', should be:

Star name associated with your Sun sign + city or state of birth (whichever sounds better).

Okay, so these names will be a bit, well, sci-fi sounding, but that's the fun of it. Your APN is an awesome alias should you ever want to have hot sex on a space station, seduce a Trekie or confirm your love at a ComiCon conference.

Please generate your APN and email me to tell me what it is! Also, if you can think of any new, fun context in which your APN might be appropriate, let me know!

'Signing' off,

--Zozma West

Star names associated with Sun signs:

Aries = Sheratan
Taurus = Pollux
Cancer = Tarf
Leo = Zozma
Virgo = Zaniah
Libra = Zuben
Scorpio = Antares
Sagittarius = Nunki
Capricorn = Nashira
Aquarius = Ancha
Pisces = Fum

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